The Big Switcharoo
by ididthatonce
Summary: Kurt and Karofsky wake up having switched bodies.  Kurt finds power in his new strength, and Karofsky gets to see the world from a different perspective.  Note: I don't ship Kurtofsky, but I'm trying it on for size.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt rolled our of bed one Friday morning and instantly stubbed his big toe. "Shit," he muttered, scratching the small of his back. He stopped mid-scratch, realizing that something was off. "Shit," he said again, hearing a voice different from his own. He rubbed his eyes and finally noticed that he wasn't in his own room. He had no recollection of getting there, and wondered if he had been drinking the night before. Except he hadn't- he remembered everything from the previous day up to going to sleep. He could even remember the details of his breakfast and what clothes he was wearing. But going to sleep in this room? He couldn't remember it.

He scanned the room for a minute, trying to guess where the bathroom was so he could see the owner of this strange voice. Thankfully, he saw a nightlight glowing dimly from an adjacent room, and found a full bathroom there. Looking in the mirror, Kurt was fairly sure that his heart stopped. He knew the round face and dark eyes anywhere. Staring back at him was the face of none other than Dave Karofsky.

At the same time, Karofsky was examining Kurt's face up close in his magnifying mirror. Karofsky searched the bottles and vials on the counter top for some kind of basic face wash or cleansing soap. All he could find was a tube of what he assumed to be moisturizer, although he couldn't read the French on the label. "Dammit David," he thought to himself. "Four years of French class and you still can't remember the word for 'soap.'" He reached to the tube, but his hand stopped short. He realized just how small Kurt was: the ceiling seemed miles above his head, and the floor so close. This was going to take some getting used to.

Kurt ran into Karofsky's dad while exploring the house. "Ready for school, Dave?" He asked.

"Who? Oh, I mean, right. Absolutely. Can't wait." Kurt replied, tripping over his own feet.

"Careful there, buddy. You feeling alright?"

"I'm just fine Mr.- dad. I'm fine. Just a little groggy I guess."

Mr. Karofsky laughed. "Staying up all night looking at naked ladies on the internet, are you?" He elbowed Kurt in the ribs.

Kurt laughed nervously. "Well, I guess I better run. See you, Mr.- Dad."

"Now hold on there." Mr. Karofsky stated sternly, and Kurt was sure that his stomach was about to drop out of his body. He turned around slowly, preparing himself for whatever was about to happen.

"Yes, sir?"

Mr. Karofsky shrugged. "Are you going to walk all the way to school, or are you going to let your dad drive you?" He let out a hearty chuckle, and Kurt followed him to the car.

Karofsky, on the other hand, had never been so thrilled to have once gotten lost in Kurt's neighborhood. It took some rearranging and shifting to get used to being so far away from the roof of the car, but he managed to find his way from Kurt's house to McKinley. Pulling into the parking lot, he saw his father's Camry driving off. He parked the car as fast as he could, and barreled towards his own body. The trip took longer than expected on Kurt's short legs, but he reached himself before he could get through the door.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, shoving at his own back. Kurt turned around and glared at him.

"How the fuck should I know?" Kurt replied. "I woke up in this monstrosity."

"That's my goddam body you're talking about, Hummel. I work hard for that figure."

"Well, obviously you're not working hard enough. What on earth is this?" Kurt hissed, smacking his belly, which wiggled. "That ain't muscle."

"I happen to like the way I look. At least I have arms, shit. How can you even pick up a pencil with these twigs?"

Kurt shoved Karofsky, sending him crashing to the ground. He tilted his head sideways and smirked. "How do you like it now, bitch?"

Karofsky glared at him. "You just wait, Hummel. You may be stronger than me now, but I've got your body." He brushed off Kurt's arms as he stood up. "And I know some nasty, dirty things Santana's always wanted to try in the sack. I just might give her the chance."

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but Karofsky was already heading inside the building, shrugging as if to say, "so what?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt had never been so happy to have first period with Karofsky. They both made their way to the cold, poorly lit classroom, Karofsky looking over his shoulder the whole time. Kurt walked along at a leisurely pace, watching his classmates' eyes grow in fear as he passed by. It was exciting, this power thing, and he could see why Karofsky tried so hard to keep it. On the other hand, he recognized that fear that he saw in others. It was something he knew all too well, and it broke his heart. He almost reached out to hug a particular freshman who looked as though he was about to pee himself when Kurt looked directly into his eyes. He stopped, though, just short of the action, realizing that it would completely blow his cover. Karofsky was the enemy here, and he needed to stay focused on one thing: making him pay.

By the time he slid into his seat, Karofsky was already slumped down in his place, his foot jiggling nervously under the desk. He was looking around the room, anxiously awaiting whatever Kurt had planned. It was a new feeling, being afraid of someone. Usually he was the one inciting fear. To be on the receiving end was strange, unsettling. He was scared to blink in case Kurt tried something. So all he could do was white-knuckle the desk and hope that his football-player instincts would allow him to react before Kurt could hurt him.

Would his instincts still work in this other body?

Someone tapped on his shoulder and he jumped.

"Chill out," the person said. Karofsky turned around to see the blond girl who normally sat behind him- Casey was her name?- rolling her eyes. "Karofsky wanted me to give you this." She handed him a folded-up piece of paper.

"Thanks" Karofsky muttered, hunching his shoulders in an attempt to disappear.

"Whatever." Casey replied, and chewed mindlessly on her pen.

Karofsky opened the note to see his own chicken-scratch handwriting. Apparently the body switch didn't have an effect on penmanship. "Meet me after this class behind trailer A10. Bring no one. Or else." Karofsky gulped and looked across the room at Kurt, who was examining his fingernails. Catching his eye, Kurt wiggled his fingers in a mock-friendly wave, then glared down his nose at Karofsky. He was sure that the look would fry his insides if such a thing were possible.

Then again, he had woken up this morning in Kurt's body. Anything was possible. Thankfully, just then, Tina sat down next to Karofsky, tossing her patch-covered messenger bag onto the floor. "Christ, traffic was terrible this morning." She sighed, sliding into her chair.

Karofsky was silent. He was pretty sure that he didn't know this person's name, just that she was friends with Kurt. Shit, shit shit. He needed to figure out who she was without blowing his cover. "Yeah?" Was all he could come up with.

"Yep. There was an accident next to Lima Middle. I thought I would never get to class on time." She chewed on one of her fingernails. She bit off a piece with a sickening crunch, and Karofsky was sure that the noise was going to make him throw up.

"Can you not...?" He squeaked out.

"Sorry, Kurt. I always forget that you hate it when I bite my nails." She smiled. "Especially since you helped me pick out the color for this manicure."

"Yeah, it's... nice." He mumbled. "Blue is my favorite color."

She laughed. "Oh, is that your favorite color this week? I guess magenta is out of vogue, huh?"

Kurt glared at them. What was so damn funny? Why was Tina talking to that cretin? Couldn't she tell that it wasn't really him, only the body? He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them. He tried to cross his legs, but hit his knee on the bottom of the desk instead. He muffled a groan, just as the teacher walked into the room. He immediately began waxing poetic about the Magna Carta or something of that nature, Kurt couldn't bother to pay attention. He was too busy coming up with all the terrible things he was about to do to Karofsky.


	3. Chapter 3

Karofsky stood behind trailer A10, his arms crossed. He tapped his foot anxiously. Kurt was late. He had no idea what kind of torture was in store from Kurt, but he knew that it would be just that- torture. He could hear the minute warning bell ringing from the main school building. All around him, students were rushing into their classrooms. A freshman got her flip-flop caught in a hole in the concrete, and had to go back to put it back on before she could continue on. The bell rang. Still no Kurt. Karofsky checked his left wrist, where he normally wore a watch, but found nothing there except the thin, pale wrist.

Suppose Kurt never showed? Karofsky wasn't sure how he could function as a different person. He would never be able to figure out Kurt's class schedule or understand all the inside jokes he and his friends had. It would take months before he would get used to being under six feet tall, with long, thin arms and legs. The strangest part of all, though, would be fitting into Kurt's relationship with Blaine. Karofsky knew of Blaine- they had met before in unfortunate circumstances- but Karofsky felt no real attraction to him. He would have to fake his way into that relationship until he was back in his own body. He would have to fake love and romance and maybe even sleep with Blaine, if the two had reached that point yet.

Karofsky felt his insides clench. The very notion of sleeping with Blaine, someone he probably couldn't pick out of a lineup at this point, made him utterly nauseous. It wasn't that Blaine was nauseating, it was just that... well, Karofsky had barely acknowledged to himself that he might, maybe, possibly sometimes be attracted to men. To kiss another boy, full-on kiss with tongue and everything... it was too much.

Thankfully, just then, Karofsky saw himself strut around the corner. It was still a strange feeling to see his own body moving towards him, but it was one he was getting used it.

"So..." he began, cracking his thumbs nervously.

"So." Kurt echoed, twisting his mouth into a scowl.

"What do we do now?" Karofsky asked, showing Kurt his palms in a sign of defeat.

"I have an idea." Kurt shared. "I really don't want to do it, but if the myriad of Disney movies I've seen are any indication, it should work."

"What?" Karofsky asked, his heart beating furiously. Kurt grabbed his face and planted a dry, rough kiss on his lips.

Nothing.

"Damn, I really hoped that would work." Kurt sighed. "Well, time for plan B."

"Plan B?" Karofsky asked, his voice high-pitched in fear.

"Relax, chief." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Plan B does not involve further kissing, although you'd probably love that, you perv."

Karofsky groaned. "You know, just because you're in my body doesn't mean you can suddenly be a dick about everything. Christ, I said I was sorry a billion times, what do you want me to do?"

Kurt threw his hands up in frustration. "Oh, excuse me for being fucking offended because you kissed me against my will. Sorry isn't going to take that back. Sorry isn't going to give my first kiss with a boy back."

Karofsky opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He tried to think of something to say, but realized quickly that nothing could be said. He could never make up for kissing Kurt against his will. Regret seemed to flow through his veins along with his blood.

"Yeah, I thought so." Kurt snapped. "Listen, I'm not thrilled about having to deal with your body and questionable fashion choices either, but we have to make do. Let's get in your my car and head down to the Lima Bean. We'll brief each other on every detail of our lives for the rest of the day. Then we can at least pretend to be each other until this all blows over."

Kurt slid into the driver's seat of his car, his belly pressing into the steering wheel. With a grumble, he readjusted the chair to fit his new proportions. He mumbled to himself about what a pain the new body was. He hated it. He hated being inside this shell that didn't fit. He had spent so much time and energy crafting his whole persona, and it hurt to have to pretend to be someone else. Again. He thought back on the time he had spent "in the closet." The time that he had lied to his best friend in middle school and said that "X-Men" was his favorite movie when, really, it was "The Little Mermaid." The time he invented a little sister as a kid so that he could "explain" the dolls and tea sets in his room. Hell, the time last year when he had made out with Brittany to see if he could be straight. He hated all those times. He hated himself in those times. And now, with this new body and new set of stigmas, he had to force himself back into the closet. It was an outrage, really. That was why he had been so short-tempered with Karofsky... he was just angry.

And, of course, the power felt good. It was a rush to know that he could retaliate with a swift punch to the jaw of Karofsky tried anything with him. If nothing else, it was just good to know that he had a decent amount of weight behind a punch, should he need it. Kurt imagined, for just a second, what would happen if Karofsky ran into gay bashers. He could easily fight even a large group off, no problem. It made Kurt wonder why Karofsky hadn't come out yet. It couldn't be physical violence he was worried about, since he was such an imposing, strong, scary figure.

But before he could delve any deeper into his mind, he pulled into his usual parking spot at the Lima Bean. Without a word, the two boys walked inside, ordered coffees, and sat down in a booth in the corner. They were silent for almost ten minutes, neither wanting to break the ice as they sipped their drinks. The jingle bells attached to the cafe's door rang softly as they sat without a word.

Kurt finally decided to speak. "Obviously, this is going to last for a while. We need to make arrangements to pretend to be each other for a while. Set some ground rules. You know."

Karofsky nodded. "Let's write our schedules down on these napkins." He said, grabbing a handful of napkins and a pen from his- Kurt's- backpack. "And don't leave anything out. Glee club practice, Football games, birthdays, anniversaries, everything." He and Kurt scribbled furiously, and traded the papers.

"Okay, now the tough thing. Relationships. Obviously I don't want you kissing Blaine, even with my mouth." Kurt said, as Karofsky wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Oh hush." Kurt sighed. "If you can't see how attractive that man is, you might not actually be gay."

Karofsky hushed him. "Can you not air that to the whole world?"

Kurt looked around. "There's like three people in this coffee shop aside from us. No one who would care about your sexuality is even in this place."

Karofsky shifted uncomfortably. "I just don't want you to air my dirty laundry. That's rule number one. No outing me."

"I'm not going to force you out of the closet, no worries." Kurt said. But if you ever decide to change your mind, I'm more than happy to do it for you. I know what coming out is like. I've done it before and I can do it again."

"Fine." Karofsky sighed. "But I'm not ready for that. Can I text Blaine and say you're sick or something? So that I don't have to worry about... about doing anything with him?"

"Sure. Whatever. Just don't kiss him. Or doing anything else with him. Or kiss anyone else. That's my number one rule. Got it?" Kurt replied.

Karofsky nodded wordlessly. "And no body modifications. I've worked hard for that body. I don't need you messing with it."

"For serious?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. "No offense, dude, but I find that hard to believe. You could definitely do a little work on your physique. You're a little tubby, chief."

"How am I not supposed to take offense to that?" Karofsky threw up his hands in frustration. "I have a beer belly or whatever. That doesn't mean I'm out-of-shape."

"We'll agree to disagree." Kurt mumbled. "Any other ground rules?"

"No sabotage." Karofsky grunbled.

"Consider it done." Kurt said. "Now, let me fill you in on how Glee works..."


End file.
